When my second son Benjamin was born, I could tell something was wrong…with me. He was a beautiful baby and I was thrilled that my family was now complete. But I just didn’t feel like myself. I had felt a little overwhelmed when my first son was born, but my mom helped me through it and eventually I settled into parenting. But having a toddler and a baby who cries all night started to bring me down.
Everybody expected it to be easier for me because it was the second time around. I did too. My friend even asked me, “Why aren’t you happy? You have everything you want now, right?” But I had nights where my anxiety was so bad I couldn’t sleep at all. After my husband left for work in the morning, I’d sometimes cry for hours. It took a long time for me to accept that maybe I was depressed. I just couldn’t handle the label.
Finally, I told my doctor and she prescribed medication for me that helped. I wish I hadn’t waited so long. I dreaded admitting that something was wrong with me. And looking back, I feel like I could have been a better mom to Benjamin if I had gotten help earlier.